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My first book is available Out now!

Holding Grief: A Dad's Memoir

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Don’t be surprised if you experience a cathartic cry that might just heal and set you free too.

– Maggie Ernst, partner and parent

Behind the cover

Holding Grief traces a father and daughter’s all-around journey as they navigate the tangled intersections of love and hate, fear and bravery, hope and despair.

Naming your family role is an essential starting point toward change. I delve into the practical, some theoretical and spiritual elements challenging family relationships and how those dynamics impact who we are and who we are intended to be. My story attempts to face some of the big questions: Is it possible to change the role/identity we are born to live out? Is there really any choice in the matter? Does freedom to not live out one’s family role exist? Can we ever live into a ‘sense-of-self’ or claim the identity we were created to be?

My story of love captures this tension. It describes the power of becoming an individual both ‘separate’ and ‘connected’ to the family (system) and the importance of avoiding cut-off from them. It demonstrates the forces at play to claim health in the midst of facing both past and present trauma. The ‘Problem with Goodness’ is ever present. Can goodness be named, claimed and sustained? Finally, through a series of interlocking encounters, restorative relationship redemption is possible when trusting ‘self’ reclaims trust in others and ultimately creates new relationships forged from self-love.

This is an inspiring and courageous book written over many years demonstrating the power of healing and growth. It reveals how through time we are not limited by when love was experienced, written or told. We can be Present in Life-and-Deaths’ Intimate Moments at one point in time, modified over time, and lived into a future that is forever transcendent, beyond time, always NOW.

After all, how we play the hands we were dealt is what really matters.

Praise for Holding Grief

  • I am a woman in recovery. Dan’s story of love speaks to me in the space ‘between’. His relationship with himself and his daughter, Julia Gene, nurtures my soul to grow and develop my authentic-self from the rubble in my sub-basement. He embraces fear hidden in a sacred space that cries out for me to be seen. His courage comes through despite how scary it is at times to listen and be silent with. It empowers me to fuel my next steps which are lived in the ‘tangled unknown’ as he says. His generational “systems story” is my story. I am the one that can (with my Higher Power) look at it, examine it and move to embrace the beauty within. I am challenged to share this beauty with the hope it may help others, as Dan has done so intimately.

    — Anne, a woman in recovery
  • Dan’s sensitivity to real relationship with Julia is deep, personal, and attentive. He is very much in the moment with her and himself. His writing challenges us with the fact that Julia is very much her own individual person who GIVES and RECEIVES with him as he with her. Julia attends to Dan, impressing upon him – teaching him how to touch, love and be intimate. It’s powerful!

    — Owen Sheridan, father and friend
  • Writing ones truth can be dangerous, healing and freeing. I've experienced my partner of over 20 years tell his truth amidst love, pain, and forgiveness through his many years writing Holding Grief. This is a complex story of an unimaginable death of a child, a family system that demands their version of you, and a pain so deep most could not comprehend. Don’t be surprised if you experience a cathartic cry that might just heal and set you free too.

    — Maggie Ernst, partner and parent
  • I am so fortunate to have read Dan’s courageous story of love at age 90. Dan has my full support to talk about his story as part of our larger family story. My joy in reading this book is seeing him learn to use his sensitivity and tender loving touch to connect with so many.

    — Sheila Pender, Grandmother of Julia Gene and Dan’s mom
  • As a lifelong friend and a former colleague, I’ve known Dan for 50 years. His contributions to human development and mental health are far too many to count. This book is not just the result of exemplary clinical skills and experience, but the fruit of a life dedicated to the integration of self and the liberation of individual human potential, as evidenced in his own personal journey into the depths of challenge and opportunity in family life.

    — Steve W., father and friend

Tangled Heart Press

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The monthly newsletter highlights reader comments, questions, feedback and responses by the author. It includes reflections, news of upcoming online Book Club events, excerpts from Holding Grief and expanded commentary. Finally, it features upcoming book selections with release timeline and upcoming in person speaking engagements and opportunities for online conversation.

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